When The Mind & The Heart Speaks

Crush crushes your heart they say and i have to agree how sickly accurate is that. It's temporary. The feeling. Even if you feel like you're going to like them forever. At the moment looking at the month of love, i only had two real crushes (never count the public figures fgs). Im an inexperience lover where i do not know the differences of what is love or what is liking someone in a long depressing three months. Despite my innocence i believe there's a small part of my pretty intense dark painted heart where it is still pure because it had never been discovered by anyone probably because it's hard to get in. I believe that's the place that has been answering my innocent thoughts.

The answer was no for both of them. Even if i suffered a bit but much lesser than a heartbroken person, both of them, that two had me on a point; they were both nowhere near good. It leads me to a question am i easily attracted to somebody who looks perfect in a glance but truth hurts they were actually assholes or maybe i am one of them so theory wise literally bad atoms are attracted to another bad atoms. Fair isn't it?

Both of them makes me hate myself; the fact i can fall for someone who'll end up disappoint me. Thus, leads me to a fright and curiosity of what if one day i feel he's the one but apparently im wrong? What if i lose my trust instinct and got nothing left to believe for myself?

I am scared..

to fall again